before moving on, i am realizing that i have not made my aims on this project clear. there are several; the important one is first:
- necessary talking, when practical, between breakfast and dinner.
- contact at a distance with the team
- ear training while working calisthenics
"breakfast to dinner" is ostensibly an easy metric, but it's a little funny if you're not eating or coffee-ing at the same time. so i'm aware of a little switch that hasn't flipped as of now (9:09 am), but it's balanced right on the edge.
two work meetings. can't decide if it's interesting or depressing watching Brad The Performer pop out.
shortly after noon: "oh no shit" flies out of my mouth as i realize i've been very close to a guitar repair shop i need to head to in bellevue.
another conversation, i get fairly animated.
noticing since yesterday that when i am choosing to not listen to music or talk, my inner jukebox gets really loud.
during lunch break: blending canned tomatoes and passing through a sieve. i notice an urge to hear music, i let it pass. thinking about buying a better sieve.
a lot of phone calls today. "necessary talking only" is really annoying when you're keeping your mouth shut about it.
a nap after work. espresso. sitting down early for therapy at 7 pm, time to think more about what to say. "how can i do therapy better?", in so many words, which is irritating to me, intellectually. it's warm and bright enough that i briefly think about my first time stepping into this apartment; it was even warmer then. it's quiet outside, or as quiet as it can be at 6:58 pm on a tuesday.
therapy. talking about things like the decision exercise, performance anxiety (not sexual but what isn't?), discipline, explaining the concept of being on a course AAD. anxiety about not being able to perform discipline (this formulation emerging just now). having clear goals; she understandably doesn't want to have therapy that just goes on and on forever with no resolution, there should be a clear and attainable goal. i appreciate this, and after the fact i am noting the difference in approach here with the modern social construct of therapy as performative self-discovery to be more socially palatable to others.
using blended tomatoes to make pizza. both small pizzas that i make are baked too long, and/or should be broiled instead of baked at 500. but the quality is decidedly better than what i have done in the past, and will be better when i'm making my own dough.
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