A week's recounting - day 1

Woke up this morning fairly early--I always leave my alarm set for the same time(s) every day, to keep myself running  on the same schedule.  This way, if I get to sleep in, it really is a personal choice.

Went back to sleep for a bit, but was back awake after maybe 45 minutes.  Laid about for a good long while, doing the usual FB/IG/whatever my current phone game preference is, and was finally out of bed around 9am.  Into the shower.  It's Sunday, so I'm taking my time.

An unusually powerful sex dream from yesterday morning is still lingering in my head; they always begin to show up when I'm not active, but this one was a bit of a doozy.  It's always some person I have known, even if the physical resemblance isn't completely there.  But this one had a pretty bizarre bit of body contortion, even for a dream, so when I woke up, there was an extra bit of confusion about the whole affair.

In any case:  out of the shower, and back into my room in this new place for a longer sitting than I've been allowing myself.  A full circuit from the eyes to the soles of the feet, back up, and into the 60 points.  Still getting distracted on the way down, the way up, and the way around, but that will always be there.  I currently have a habit of completing the 60 points and immediately moving into activity, instead of staying with the feeling of completion, but part of this is definitely because I'm regularly sitting on the bus.  Driving down to SM from the valley did have me sitting in the apartment before doing anything, so this is yet another good reason to get a vehicle.

Out of my room, to the kitchen; one roommate was coming in from the "porch" as I walked into the kitchen area.  A couple of pleasantries, and she went into her room.  The other roommate came out as I was beginning to prepare breakfast, needing to remember the name of a waltz (Strauss's "Blue Danube"), and immediately went back into her room to continue working, once she had the answer.

Breakfast was eggs with sauteed vegetables and toast.  The onions and mushrooms turned out very well, as did the eggs.  Espresso from a moka (purchased yesterday).

Back into the room.  Quick sorting of laundry, removal of sheets from the bed, and into laundry mode, browsing various websites for the first portion, and practicing for the second.  The dryer in this apartment doesn't quite want to work completely, so this ended up taking much longer.

Late in the afternoon:  laundry is done, and I've briefly considered heading to the office to grab one of my guitars so that I can restring it with a set I hadn't expected to find, but ultimately I think I just want to get some food.  A quick check to see where the closest WF is--a little over a mile away--and out onto the street.  I don't realize it at first, but this route takes me into Beverly Hills, past several high-end car dealerships.

Eventually, I reach one of the more strangely laid-out WF I've been in.  It's something of a nightmare to navigate, but lunch/dinner is acquired, and I allow myself a cupcake and some kombucha.  The last time I had some, I was weirdly able to feel the alcohol, but not this time.

On the way back, the sun isn't nearly as intense, and I find myself walking past a very ritzy motel, a very expensive restaurant, and the same car dealerships, all of which help me to realize just where I am.  The sheer money involved is enough to get me a little riled, especially when I start to actually read the pricetags and fuel (non)efficiency ratings of the cars.  Crazy--just completely crazy.

Back to the apartment.  More browsing, more thinking about the movie I watched yesterday (Colossal), some video games.  More wine, as well.

Diarizing, and into bed around 11pm.

Possibilities

Tonight is the last night that I am sleeping in a house that is not mine, or that is not my residence.  I have been couch-surfing, staying in various residences (only three different ones, really), while waiting for a sublet to open up.  As these things always turn out, the charity of others is astonishing and humbling, as is the extent of providence.

This morning:  I am leaving this house and walking down a sort of side-road in the Palisades, down towards the bus.  Less coffee than is normal for me at breakfast, but good conversation.

At this point, the time is about a quarter of noon.  The weather is in that unusual place where it's neither too hot or cold, the only breeze is what's felt as one walks down the road, and the sky is an unblemished blue.  I've just exchanged some text messages with a very good friend, one that I have trusted for an awfully long time, and one who I heard speaking to another person on the phone, a couple of nights before.  The level of care in her voice towards this person was remarkable, and this has me thinking about recent events in my own life, as well as a choice that I still feel obligated to feel some guilt over, though this guilt is likely irrational.

As I pass some tennis courts, it comes to mind that for the first time in some months, I have a sense of openness about me, but openness with a direction to it.  There is a distinct lightness to this.  Within a few seconds, I begin to think that perhaps I should not feel this, as there are still some material obligations to be discharged.  Perhaps this lightness, this lack of concern for the future, is a manifestation of some latent immaturity that I still haven't managed to work out of myself, though certainly I am not using so many words in the moment.  A clear tinge of guilt creeps in.

And then almost immediately dissipates again:  I am fully aware of the air on my skin, the pleasantness of the weather.  I also note that, it's not quite a spring, but a sense of propulsion to my stride:  I have something that I can look forward to.

The sense of personal judgment also fades a bit, and by the time I've reached the bus stop, I feel more like my full height and span.

jbh